I can say my sadness is overwhelming. I just said goodbye for the final time to my Sofia. My heart is broken. I have to say that it wouldn't feel so bad if I knew I would be coming back soon. But because of the expense Chris, Renee and myself do not if we will be able to come back at all before the adoption is finalized. I hate to think how much she will change between now and the time we see her again. The pain of leaving my child is immeasurable.

The bittersweet part of the situation is that I am dying to go home to my family. It feels like an eternity since I have been with them and I am missing them more every day.

I don't have much else to say. I am attempting to upload pics from yesterday and today as I type this. Unfortunately, I was unable to go to wither Orphanage today as I had hoped to get final pics for everyone. I am sorry! www.picasaweb.google.com/laurapk21

Talk to you all soon

Laura

I realize I have been absent from really writing on this blog. I apologize for my lack of information. To be honest, there hasn't been much going on. But I'll try to remember the details:

Sunday April 6 - We went to church. Sofia got to go with me so my excited was pretty high. The week prior Sofia's birth mother wasn't at church so i was anxious to see if she would be there. As soon I we walked into the church she caught my eye. Her face was beaming and she was immediately out of her seat. I met her at the row she was seated in and gave Sofia to her. I had prayed that she wouldn't and she didn't. There was a slight crowd around my little Sofia as people were talking to her and kissing her. It was quite a scene. We eventually went back to our seat and the service began. There was lots of music and voices raised in song to celebrate what God had done in them. I understood very little but was overwhelmed sitting there listening to people sing about God in a way that I was almost jealous of. It's interesting to me that each time I attend this church i understand nothing but God brings me to a place of intense worship of who He is. I fought back tears for the duration of my time there. I knew God was working on me and I wanted to figure out what it was. A few minutes into the music it occurred to me what I needed to do. I needed to give Sofia to God. I needed to finally say, "Whatever You want for her, I want for her. She's belongs to You." I have taken ownership, to a certain extent, of Sofia and had forgotten that she didn't belong to me. She belongs to God and whatever His plans are for her I need to accept it. After all, His plans are better and His thoughts are higher than my own. So that morning I sat in silence begging God to take her and do whatever He wills. After, finally, doing what I know He wanted there was a peace in me that i hadn't had in a very long time. It had been pressed upon my heart that it didn't matter who thought they were in control of this adoption process, whether it be individuals or government or whoever, they aren't! God has the ultimate control of when Sofia comes home to us. I just need to accept it and continue to give it to Him daily. And that is what I intend to do.

Monday, April 7 - I ran a few errands with Rachel and then went to the Big Orphanage. Rachel had gotten some toys for the kids so we spent some time passing them out. If you've checked out the web album, you can see it was like Christmas morning. It was fun to watch them get so excited.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday April 8, 9, 10 and 11 - I grouped all these days together because they were basically all the same. Because of the rioting in the nearby areas I didn't leave the house. Sofia did come to me and we had a wonderful time together. We played a lot, laughed a lot and she ate a lot. That girl just can't get enough to eat. Each day I'm with her I notice that she just gets more beautiful. I just cant get enough of her.

Today- There is a small plan for the day but if you've ever been to Haiti you know that plans mean nothing. But the plan is to got the Orphanage and put the curtains up. So we'll see. I'm currently waiting on Rachel to pick me up.

Lastly, i have a request. I have no idea who is reading this blog so I would like to ask all that are reading to send a comment so I know who you are.

Have a great day and I hope to have more posted tonight with more pics!

Check my picasa album

www.picasaweb.google.com/laurapk21

The internet here has been so crazy lately I can barely get emails out. So, that means uploading pics and updating the blog have been out of the question. I have tried but have experienced no success.

I haven't been out of the house since Monday so obviously no orphanage pics. Due to the turmoil here in Haiti we;ve stayed inside most of the time. With staying inside, I have had the opportunity to finish the curtains! so exciting! i hope to get to the orphanage before I leave and get them all hung. i hope they will be cute.

The turmoil here in Haiti has made me think a lot about things. i have to say i feel guilty being able to eat and rest and not have to worry about taking care of my family. It's heartbreaking to see how poor these people are.

Anyway, that's all I have for today.

5 days until I'm home!

again Sorry

Things have been busy and I have been working continually on the curtains. I do have pics from each day that are uploading now. So be sure to check on them. www.picasaweb,google.com/laurapk21

On to a more serious note:

There has been rioting here in Haiti over the cost of food. The gates of the palace have been torn down and people have been killed. The rioters are breaking care windows, and store-fronts, as well as burning tires, and chanting, "We're Hungry!" Today is the worst day. Please pray for this nation. The average person lives on less than 2 U.S. dollars per day. So, when they say they are hungry, they are!

Today was relaxing! I took a break from the curtains and just spent time with Sofia at Beth and Willem's! We played a little bit, took a nap, played a little more, ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, went with Beth to get ice cream and ate a yummy. (oh yeah, and we played a little between everything.)

There is a medical team from Terre Haute here now and most of them met Sofia a year ago on their last trip. So, needless to say, they were all thrilled to see her. They were eager to tell me stories of how adorable she was then and how beautiful she is now. She was being so cute at dinner tonight! She knew that everyone was looking at her so she kept making funny faces at everyone. Everyone had to take pics of her and were so excited. Everyone was sad when she had to leave. I think I felt the most sadness tonight! Strange, huh?

I hope you like the pics from today! www.picasaweb.google.com/laurapk21

I leave you with the lyrics to a song that has been ringing in my heart all day today. I hope it impacts like it has me.

Because of Love
Natalie Grant

Because of love He left His home
Made this earth His home
He did it willingly for you and me

With Heaven left behind
He came to save all mankind
from sin and shame.

He could have walked away
But instead He chose to stay upon that tree
and take a crown of thorns for me

Because of love

Because of love He bore my pain
Shouldering the pain
Why did He choose to go
How could He love me so

Because of love he called to me
He said child I will set you free
You’ll have life abundantly
Because of love (because of love)

He gave unselfishly
Caused my blinded to eyes to see
It was you and me he had in mind
On the road to Calvary
I never known such a perfect love
I had fallen down but he picked me up
He rescued my soul
Now I want the world to know

Because of love he left the grave
Prepared for us a place
He’ll back again someday
And I will hear him say

Because you believed
You’ll live eternally
And I’ll fall on my knees
And I will cry

You are holy, holy, lord god almighty
You are worthy, to receive glory
Honor and power forever
Holy, holy, lord god Almighty
You are worthy
To receive glory
Honor and power forever

Amen, Amen, Amen

Amen
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy

Jesus you are
The angels bow down and say
Holy, holy, holy
All creation cries out
Holy, holy, holy
You’re worthy of all the glory
Forever

Amen

Okay, I suck real bad, I know!!!!!!!! Please don't be mad at me!

The past few days have been very busy. I started making curtains for the Big Orphanage yesterday. So, needless to say, I've been busy. I find myself very tired at the end of the day.

Visiting the orphanages has been super fun and I dread the day that I leave here and won't get to see them all again. It's makes me very sad. But, I am enjoying the time I do have and I will always remember them. Check out my pics: picasaweb.google.com/laurapk21

I've been doing a lot of reading and listening to music since I have been here and really feel like God has put me in a place away from all my family and friends and every distraction to show me more of Him. It's terribly difficult to be away from Chris and Renee and the rest of the fam but God is continually pressing upon my heart that, although He gave me my family, they do define me and they will never fill all the longings and emptiness of my heart. Even though I already know these things it has been made more real to me lately. I cannot ask my husband to be all for me. He can't. Likewise, he cannot ask me to be all for him. We're not made to be all for each other. The only person who can fill me is my Savior.

In the past several months I have struggled with what God really has for me and what He wants me to do with the rest of my life. There were times I felt that He didn't have anything in mind for me. Just to walk blindly through life? There has to be more! The more I searched the more incomplete and incapable I felt. Why would a God so amazing want anything to do with me? I have nothing to offer Him, I have nothing of value and my imperfections are vast! What was He thinking when He made me? There are so many people with more talent and Godliness than I could ever have. What do I have that's any good? There are better ways He could have spent His time.

At this moment, I finally understand why these thoughts entered my mind and took over. Satan will attack our thoughts and he seems to attack mine daily. He doesn't want any of us to search for what God has for us. He doesn't want any of us to even attempt to impact our world with the name of Jesus Christ. He knows that if he attacks our thoughts there is a potential for us to be defeated. Does God have a plan for me? Yes! Am I to walk blindly through life? Yes! Leaning on Christ! Do I have anything to offer God? Yes! My Heart. What was He thinking when He made me? That He had a purpose for me. Do I have any God-given talents? Yes! Is there anything good in me? Yes, everything that's in Him! Did He waste His time when He made me? No.

I don't know what I have that He wants to use. All I know is that I want to be used by Him. My heart is longing for His will and His plan. I am so tired of allowing Satan to walk into the front door of my life as is if he's welcome and allow him to destroy what God has done in me. I have to move ahead. I can't stay here. Of course it's easier to stay back and hope that whatever God wants isn't uncomfortable but I'm not called to stay. I'm called to go! At some point I have to realize that God loves me regardless of my fat, or my controlling behavior, or my emotional breakdowns, or my temper. I don't have to prove myself to Him like I do the world. He knows me better than anyone and Jesus' blood washed me clean. It doesn't get any better than that.

I don't want to live for other people anymore! I want to live for my God, set free, sold out and with immense passion! I'm ready, Lord. What is it that You have for me?

Okay, sorry I didn't post last night. It was rainy here and the internet was either SUPER SLOW or down.

It was a fun day. I spent a lot of time at the big orphanage and had a great time. Some pics uploaded last but I am uploading the rest right now. The kids were fun and crazy, as usual.

We all watched Dora and Sesame Street together and I realized, yet again, how smart all these kids are. They may be speaking english very well by the time they come home. It's amazing to hear them and watch them react to everything. They LOVE Dora but they think Sesame street is strange. They will gladly watch anything, though.

Well, there's not much more to say about yesterday. I hope you like the pics. The rest are updating right now. Although it is taking a while. Grrrh. www.picasaweb.google.com/laurapk21

TTYL

Laura