I know there aren't many people who read this but I wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year!!! May 2009 see all our babies home!

It's a beautiful morning in Northeast PA. Snow is falling and it's been quiet. I enjoy the silence of my mornings but long to hear the murmuring of a little girl in the background.

I read a blog post today that talked about the "wait". The post talked about an excerpt from Beth Moore's, "Get Out of That Pit". I'm paraphrasing, but, it basically spoke of how God used to do things in an instant... like creation... but once man came along things seemed to change. We wait... The book suggested that maybe our waiting has purpose. The purpose being, "togetherness" with God. Interesting to me was that my goal is "togetherness" with Sofia and God's goal is "togetherness" with Him... Same goal, different thought process.

I keep thinking I've got to hurry and get through this to be a mom again and start to complete this family. The end has to come soon. I wonder, is God thinking, "Laura, you've got to wait for my timing. You have to go through this to experience more of me. Look to me for your comfort, for guidance, for love, for completeness."

Maybe I'm missing the boat here! I don't know where I'm looking anymore. I thought I was looking in the right direction but that's not true. I've been looking to people to change the circumstance for this adoption. I have been so frustrated with the process and people involved with the process that I have solely focused on those people and how I feel wronged by them.

How many times have I asked the question: "Who advocates for me? For Sofia? For the many families like mine waiting for their kids?" I ask those questions everyday! I find myself infuriated when my answer is, "NO ONE advocates for me or Sofia!" You know, that may be true. No human being advocates for me. BUT, there is One who does and He is bigger and more powerful than any human being. He ordains everything!

I will always be failed by people! My frustration and feeling of loss may be justified. But it doesn't matter what people do or say, my Savior controls all things. People can do what they want. People won't bring our kids home. God will! I have to rest in that. I have to rest in Him.

So, today, I dedicate myself to look to God for my comfort during this wait. I look to Him for advocacy! If God is for me, who can be against me.

Sofia is coming home!I'm just waiting for God to send her this way! Oh, what a glorious day it will be!

Love to you all,

Laura

I don't think I need to add anything!

Have a Great Day

Laura

Well, another Christmas has come and gone! I have to say I've struggled this year. We really hoped that Sofia would be home by now. We are missing her now, more than ever. But as I sit and think about what it would have been like if she were here when we decorated the Tree, hung lights on the porch or played in the first snow of the season I imagine how much more amazing it will be in real life when she, truly, is here.

Our dossier has been in Haiti for 486 days and counting! Such a long wait! We saw some pics of her recently and she is getting so big. I often sit and wonder if she knows I'm her Mama and Chris is her Papa. Does she know she has a big sister waiting for her? Does she remember the many times we've visited her? Will she ever know how much we love and miss her?

When we first started the process in march of 2007 I found it somewhat effortless to be distracted and not have her on the forefront of my mind. Now, however, is a different story.

We were told she would be home some time in 2008. As the year comes to a close I wonder what the new year will hold. Sofia will be 3 in July. We have already missed too much, will we miss another birthday? Another milestone?

I know how undeserving I am of this child. There are so many more families more deserving of children. I am thinking of one family, in particular, who so deserve their family to be complete. I have found myself, lately, praying so desperately their girls will come home NOW! This family needs to be complete! And at the same time I am forever mourning the fact my child and so many others may spend another year in the arms of someone else, not knowing Mama and Papa!

Someone adopting from Haiti told me the other day that she feels like she is being punished. I quickly reassured her that she, most definitely, is NOT being punished but I knew I felt the same! When is the wait long enough? My friend and I can't conceive children on our own. When has suffering of our hearts and families been enough? Does there come a time when enough IS enough?

Too many times I hear, "this will all be worth it in the end." I'm, honestly, sick of hearing it! I know it's worth it! It doesn't change the pain. It doesn't change the fact that there is NO ONE advocating on my behalf, on Sofia's behalf! And, in the end, I will still have missed Sofia's first steps, first words, potty training, kisses and hugs. And I still miss being called Mama. I want to hear her call Chris Papa! It may all be worth it, but time lost is time lost! I can't get it back. I can only stand to the side and know that all these things are happening without us. We have no documentation or way to remember that they've happened, we just know they are happening and someone else gets the joy of watching. We just have empty pages in the Baby Book.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the first or the last to feel this pain. There are many in more pain than I.

I guess I just want to know when I'm standing in Sofia's room alone imagining what she will look like playing with her toys, wearing the same dress Renee wore and sleeping in her own bed if anyone hears my cry...


Laura

Please be in prayer for the funding of our adoption. We found out that there is, yet, another unexpected expense. $500 for some translations. My heart is a little weary. The financial mountain just gets bigger and bigger.

Thank you
Laura

We got some great news over the weekend! We are finally out of Parquet! One step closer to bringing her home. We need to schedule a trip to Haiti for one of us to file our I-600. Only one problem, we still need to come up with the money. Please be in prayer for us that God would see fit to provide funds soon. If you feel compelled to give you can click on the "donate" link and give through paypal.

Also, PLEASE be in prayer for our friends who are also adopting from Haiti and are having a hard time.

Pray for the peace that passes ALL understanding.

Merry Christmas!

Laura

P.S. Enjoy the recent pic we got of Sofia "carrying" clothes on her head just like the merchants.